i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
