Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
