Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
