why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
