Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
