If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
