you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
