i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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