i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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