So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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