I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
