Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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