Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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