I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
