Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
