I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
