were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
