I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
