Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
did you just send me my own nude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
