pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
should my penis look like a turkey
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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