I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
