I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
