some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
