She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
