I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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