O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
