So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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