I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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