so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
