and you said cock pushups were impossible
I looked at my own cervix.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
