i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
