This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
