Screwed.edu
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there is puke in my bra ... again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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