He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
