listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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