I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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