You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just blew my weed a kiss
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
