SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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