John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
