my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
