Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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