I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
