I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
