Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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