just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
