but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
