thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
