I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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