I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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