So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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