The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
