actually, I'm a sock model
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
