her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
