Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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