Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
