I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
