She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
