found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
