he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
