i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
