Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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