I heard we made out
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
